8 Lessons on Winning, Losing, and Redefining Success After 30 Years of Ambition
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is credited with saying, “Be Humble. Be Hungry. And Always be the Hardest Worker in the Room.”
Love it.
Whether in business, on the field, in the classroom or in the weight room, I have always had an inert drive to win, even if not overtly stated. I would just quietly go out and do the work. I was never really looking for praise, but did expect there to be fruits of my labor, which could be as simple as “atta boy!” or as grandiose as world domination.
I remember one of my favorite shows as a child was, “Pinky and the Brain.” The character Pinky would always ask Brian what they were going to do that evening. Brian would always say, “What we always do: try to take over the world!” I’m like, “Yeah – I get that.” (If you are familiar with MBTI’s, I am an INTJ, and that is just what we do. You can find out yours for free at 16personalities.com. No affiliation.)
As you can imagine, my efforts of world domination did not often work out. Thankfully, there were always people who were smarter or faster or more gifted than I was, which often humbled me. I am extraordinarily grateful for that, partially because I am really disinclined to deal with the aftermath of world domination, and more importantly, there are more lessons to be learned from losing than winning.
Here are some of the things that I have learned about winning, losing and redefining success after 54 trips around the sun:
Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing. I don’t see the point of getting up in the morning if I am not going to pursue winning at something. Winning doesn’t necessarily mean that someone has to lose, but simply, the idea of making someone feel seen and heard is a win for me. Feeling good about what I accomplished for the day is a win. Closing a deal is a win. Booking a new podcast guest is a win.
Don’t Minimize / Don’t Lower Your Standards. When growing up before the world got soft, parents would say, “If all of your friends jumped off the bridge, would you jump, too?” No one else can define what success is for you. My standard is excellence. Do I always hit it? No. Do I always strive for it? Absolutely. Do people tell me that I don’t have to / shouldn’t work that hard? Yep. Do people say it isn’t worth it? There are books on it.
They can all kick rocks and jump off that bridge.
Losing isn’t the end. While there are many that would suggest that life shouldn’t be that simple, unfortunately, it is. One of my favorite quotes from Dale Earnhardt is, “Second place is just the first loser,” or from the move Talladega Nights, “If you aren’t first, you’re last!” Think about it: the person that came in second usually feels like if they had made some adjustment, they could have come in first. The horizon is closer for them than probably anyone else on the field. So what do they do? They work harder so that next time, they are more likely to win. That should be the case with any position on the field. If you are losing, you need to understand why and find out what you can do to win.
I can’t be the best at everything. Honesty, I will definitely try. As a weight lifter, my weakest lift has always been my bench. I have long arms, I’ve injured my shoulders several times and by design, I just don’t have the anatomy of someone who can bench heavy. However, there are many other exercises where I am extremely capable, and if you look at my overall capabilities, it exceeds that of most humans. What I’ve learned was that while I shouldn’t ignore the things that I don’t do well (think about weight lifters with big upper bodies and skinny legs), I need to be very clear about where I can win and where I can’t. Notice that I am not saying that I should put all of my efforts into my strengths.
I must define what it means to win. For me. No one else can define what winning means to me. I would be foolish to let someone else do that or compare myself to other people. Both are recipes for disaster. If you think about the Guinness Book of World Records, people find very specific, narrow categories to be the best in the world at. Who would have thought that there would be a record for the farthest throw of a washing machine (14ftm, 7 in by Johan Espenkrona: Here’s the feat.) As a business owner, it would be futile for me to say that I could run the best consulting firm in the world. The idea is too broad and is subjective. But to say that I want to build the best strategy and operations consulting firm targeting inspired founder-led growth stage companies in the country – that would be more feasible.
Winning is an event. As any Olympian will tell you, once you’ve won at something, even if you are the best in the world, the win is over. You have to either do it again or carry it as a fond memory. Keep in mind that whoever came in second place is gunning for your position. It’s almost funny: Tom Bradey seems to be the only person still talking about the Patriot’s dynasty. Boston isn’t having parades every day. The NFL has moved on. If I want to keep winning, I have to keep working. Even the GOAT will be replaced and only a memory at some point.
What got me here won’t get me there. Nothing remains the same except that fact that things will always change. Societal, technological, economic, environmental and technological changes will happen, in addition to my own perspectives, capabilities and capacities. How I drive now has changed (thankfully) between the time I was 18 and now. However, weather, traffic, time of day and road conditions all impact my drive. I cannot drive in the rain in the dark the same as I would during the day on a bright shiny day. Note that the destination doesn’t change. Because of the environment, I need to adjust how I will reach it.
Don’t get lazy. This is critical. As stated: winning is an event and what got me here won’t get me there, just because I won in one area doesn’t mean that I can coast. If anything, it means that I need to work harder. Why? Because if I am in a competitive environment, someone is going to analyze why I won and they lost, and will adjust their strategy to be more likely to win. They won’t because I will anticipate their strategy and adjust my own while continuing to get better at what I do. If not in a competitive environment, if I don’t raise the stakes, I will get bored and will likely stop.
One of the things that I love most about being an entrepreneur has been the nearly constant growth opportunities that I have had. I am the type of person that needs to have a new challenge to overcome, or a new puzzle to solve. As an entrepreneur for more than 30 years, the learning has been nearly unlimited. I would caution you, though: what works for me and what appeals to me doesn’t necessarily work for you. I have always found that when in a situation, I keep what works for me and toss the rest. What will be consistent is the ability to embrace winning, losing and redefining success.
Thanks so much for reading. Hope it provides value for you.
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